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Confidence Treatment Therapy in Aylesbury and Bicester

What is assertiveness and confidence? 

Assertiveness is a skill and being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people’s rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting ‘wrong’ and having the strength and full right to say “no”. Individuals are able to get their point across without upsetting others, or becoming upset. 

Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain with oneself or the task in hand. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more “self-confident” because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience of both assertiveness and confidence. 

Why people feel un-assertive or lack confidence?

By not asserting their rights, expressing their feelings or stating clearly what they want, those with low self-esteem or self-confidence may invite others to treat them in the same way. Low self-esteem is reinforced in a vicious circle of passive response and reduced self-confidence.

When people are not assertive they can suffer from a loss of confidence and self-esteem, which is more likely to make them less assertive in the future. It is therefore important to break the cycle and learn to be more assertive, whilst at the same time respecting the views and opinions of other people. We all have a right to express our feelings, values and opinions.

What are the negative effects?

  • Un-able to express your views and stand up for yourself
  • Pushed into doing something you dont want to do
  • Feelings of stress and anxiety increase
  • Lack of confidence increases
  • Being told what to do  loosing your own right
  • Relying too much on other to tell you if its right thing to do
  • Feeling trapped and like no one cares 

 

How to develop assertive skills:

  • Be direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs
  • State reasonable requests directly and firmly
  • Say your goals or intentions in a direct and honest manner
  • Make your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic
  • Being responsible for your own behaviour will let you feel good about yourself
  • Do not let anyone impose or force their behaviours, values and ideas on you
  • Be honest when giving and receiving compliments
  • Never put down a compliment and don’t feel you must return one
  • Learn to say no to unreasonable requests. Use the word “no” and offer an explanation 
  • Do not apologize and do not make up excuses. 
  • Avoid “why” questions. ” Why” questions allows the listener to be defensive.
  • Use “I” and “we” statements to express your feelings
  • Maintain eye contact. Tone of voice should be appropriate,Stand or sit at a comfortable distance from the other person. Gestures can be used to emphasise what is being said.

 

How to be confident:

  • Groom yourself and Dress nicely 
  • Thinking positive will remove negative thoughts
  • Spend more time and get to know yourself, likes, dislikes, new hobbies 
  • Act positive and show your generosity to others even by simple greeting 
  • Perfect your posture, stand tall and speak slowly 
  • Set small goals and achieve them 
  • Empower yourself with knowledge by reading books
  • Exercise, listen to music and dance

 

Further support 

For more information contact us

 

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